I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
