You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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