Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
