Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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