Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
