Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
