But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
