All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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