My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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