the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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