I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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