I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
