how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
