Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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