I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize
