i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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