Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
sick fucks of a feather flock together
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
