Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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