Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
