my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
