I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
