Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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