These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
