I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
How's work?
Spinning.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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