I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
