it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
