If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
