You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
