SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
