I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I wish there were birth control emojis
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
