my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
