and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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