My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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