its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
