I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
