Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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