It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
