Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
