Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
