Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
