6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
