i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
