just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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