I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
