Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
