Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
my poor anus
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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