Define "chronic" masturbator.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
