My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
