I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
So squirting runs in the family.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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