exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
