he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
