I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
