Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
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