They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
