It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Oh god it's open bar.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
