Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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