I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
