Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
