I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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